What God Can Do With A Fractured Home

When Your Family Story Doesn't Look Like The Christian Influencer's Instagram Grid

I’m married to my third husband.

Going to let that sentence sit for a minute because that reality has kept me hidden in shame for too long.

There is nothing about my family structure that looks Christian or godly.

My first marriage was the “correct” one. Married young, and a virgin. Had three children. This fell apart in 2014 and the next marriage was hasty. It kicked off seven long years of dysfunction and pain because it ended with a crash.

But, the beautiful gift from that marriage was my son William (who just turned 10 yesterday)!

Today I am married to a generous, handsome, kind man named Ayrton. He and I have blended our families together (he has a daughter Alivia) and things are finally calm, healthy, and peaceful.

According to many religious voices, I’m disqualified from speaking on marriage and family- maybe even anything spiritual. Even well-meaning jokes about my “interesting” family land in tender places I didn’t know were still sore.

I made a mess and because of that, I should take a seat.

To this day, we don’t all go to church together on Sundays. We’re not homeschooling, and yes- the kids get too much screen time.

I still don’t look the part. And this bothers me because God is asking me to stand up, and my response is “Do you know what people are going to say?!”

Too many marriages, too much pain, too many broken pieces. And yet, when I open my Bible in Genesis, something clicked: God built the nation of Israel through a mess that looks suspiciously like mine.

Jacob was the son of Isaac and the grandson of Abraham.

• This man began his journey by stealing the birthright from his twin brother Esau.

• He then flees (instead of confronting the issue).

• The polygamy and sexual entanglements? Many. I didn’t realize that the 12 tribes of Israel were born from FOUR different women (two wives and two maidservants of those wives).

• Jacob was disturbingly passive during conflicts and the rape of his daughter Dinah.

• Fear driven decision making.

• Manipulation was a favorite strategy of his.

Much of this shows up in the next generation as well. His sons aren’t remotely perfect either.

And yet… God.

His grace, mercy, and steadfast love move through all of it in such a stunning way, you can only get on your knees and say thank you.

The scriptures show the change in Jacob over the years.

It was a slow, painful transformation from schemer to a surrendered heart. He gives over his fear and manipulation and turns that into humble and desperate reliance on God.

His name is changed. God renames Jacob… Israel.

But even in that name change, God does it twice. He proclaims it in Genesis 32 and again in Genesis 35.

Maybe because change isn’t instant.

Holiness is a process. It’s not a cute snapshot or 15 second clip.

It’s very very messy.

And you wonder if Jacob even really believed it himself the first time. It was at night, in the dark, after a long wrestle, in the land of Jordan.

This second time God named him was at the place of Bethel, in the promised land.

It’s estimated that there were ten years between God saying “Your name is Israel” the first time and the second time.

That gap of the calling and the belief that you’re ready for it.

That’s the gap I stand in today.

I hear God calling me to something and I’m like… yeah, not sure that’s such a good idea. 😂

But I take great comfort in this ancient Hebrew family in Genesis. They give me (and anyone else in this spot of feeling disqualified) hope.

Your not disqualified because of your mess. Yes, even messes that last decades. God is far bigger and more gracious and merciful than any of us can understand, and He doesn’t stand idly by. He rushes into the mess to redeem us… our job is to let Him.

xx