It could be the news cycle, the ridiculous cold weather we battled the last three months, the frenetic pace of AI in my marketing business, or simply my preoccupation with becoming a shepherd for the first time. But I’ve struggled to find anything notable to share here because things have been quiet in me spiritually.

And I’m 100% sure it’s because I am not tuned in, not because He isn’t speaking.

When God used many men of history to write His holy scripture, God knew that people for thousands of years afterwards would come to rely on those words in uncertain times, and I often think about that here in 2026.

The immature part of me says God, it would have been nice to add a few chapters about current events here in this Bible. You know, just to anchor us all a bit here as we watch the modern world unravel? Surely He could have done something like that?

But alas, there’s no exact chapter in the Bible about how to deal with men obsessed with building AI even if it strips away all our jobs, oligarchs who are wrecking the economy for their own gain, or propaganda machines twisting every story so easily that our understanding of reality is shaken.

And yet God in His infinite wisdom, knows far far better than me what I need. What you need. What we all need.

His Word is enough.

The three things that are most deeply on my mind right now:

1. The disruption of AI and how it impacts everything from my work to my clients to my children’s ability to get a career and live financially stable lives.

2. The financial disaster we’re in with our crippling debt, market manipulation, and untrustworthy characters at the top.

3. The unsteady geopolitical situation that has leaders spewing propaganda through social media like it’s air, and we’re all stewing in algorithms designed to keep us angry and hooked on whatever reality is most attractive to our ears.

Where is God in all of it? What has He already said that could help us in these situations?

The Disruption of AI

It’s so easy to get caught up in what AI can and might do. The feeling of exponential intelligence is addicting. The feeling of power.

And then the Lord speaks.

“All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on Him the iniquity of us all.” - Isaiah 53:6

I keep sheep and I understand this passage much better now. In our natural state, we go astray. We turn away. We go our OWN way. That means the same for AI. We WILL go astray, go our own way, and turn away from God in our pursuit of AI as a species.

Any time you feel pulled by the utopia of AI, God has already spoken about our nature. It doesn’t lead to holiness. It leads to death.

That doesn’t mean AI isn’t useful. But it will not save us. Only Jesus does.

The Financial Disaster

I don’t pretend to understand the implications of bond yields or the price of gold. But most of us are feeling the pain of increasing prices alongside stagnant income. Personally? I’m in danger of losing a lifetime of savings in some poor real estate deals. I’m regularly (in business and life) forced to confront my love of money. My desire for financial safety.

“You keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” - Isaiah 26:3

Peace is available to those who anchor their mind to God. To His word. To His character. The trick here is to keep a mind. Have you tried that? 😂

But that is the answer. When I start to worry, wonder, or fear the future outcomes I cannot control, I come back to this: My job is to direct my mind back to God. Just like the sheep that go astray, my mind loves to stray.

• Stray to TikTok

• Stray to AI

• Stray to plans & lists

• Stray to hustle

It’s amazing how little ACTION and DOING is involved in what God asks of us. Move your mind to Him. That’s what He asks.

Go sit with my sheep. They don’t really do much. They stand there. They eat. They nap. They chew grass. There’s not some big objective except to just… exist.

The Unsteady Geopolitical Situation

Everyone wants to read the tea leaves. Especially me. Where is this all going? Are these wars in the Middle East a signal of end times? Is it just another “here we go again” battle that we’ll continue to repeat for thousands more years?

I felt compelled to memorize this set of verses last year and it comes back to me over and over and over.

“Who among you fears the LORD and obeys the voice of his servant? Let him who walks in darkness and has no light trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God. Behold, all you who kindle a fire, who equip yourselves with burning torches! Walk by the light of your fire, and by the torches that you have kindled! This you have from my hand: you shall lie down in torment.” - Isaiah 50:10-11

Notice everyone here is in darkness. But there are two types of people. Those who have no light and wait and trust God, and those who decide to make their own torches.

That fire is human schemes and self-rescue. Men in darkness trying to create their own light. And God says - yep, I gave you those abilities. And also, doing it yourselves will lead to your own torment. 😰

It’s better to walk in the dark WITH God, then in the light with your own tools that He gave you, that will still lead to torment because you’re doing it without Him.

The book of Isaiah was written over 2500 years ago and just a few sentences from this ancient book speak right to the heart of what worries me.

All three of these verses I memorized a year ago, which leads me to the #1 thing I can all do in the midst of this confusing time.

Memorize scripture.

God can bring to mind what is already planted in me. But if it’s not there, it can’t be brought to mind easily. That’s my takeaway.

Turns out the point of this whole piece of writing was to remind me to do something that I know works, but easily put off.

I’m going to find a new scripture to memorize today, and if it helps you too, then that’s great!

Here it is:

“As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.”
- Psalm 103: 13-14

חַג שָׂמֵחַ (Chag Sameach) and a blessed Easter!

xx Julie

The word in the Hebrew is זָכַר (zakar). This isn’t about mental recall only. It means “to bring to mind in order to act”.

In the book of Deuteronomy, the word remember is used approximately 14 times (give or take).

1. Deut. 5:15 — “Remember that you were slaves in Egypt…”
   → Remembering delivers humility and compassion.

2. Deut. 7:18 — “But you shall remember what the Lord your God did to Pharaoh…”
   → Remembering builds courage for current battles.

3. Deut. 8:2 — “You shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you…”
   → Remembering anchors gratitude and dependence.

4. Deut. 8:18 — “You shall remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gives you power to get wealth.”→ Remembering guards against pride.

5. Deut. 9:7 — “Remember and do not forget how you provoked the Lord…”
   → Remembering breeds repentance and awareness of grace.

6. Deut. 9:27 — “Remember Your servants, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob…”
   → Moses uses zakar in prayer, asking God to remember covenant promises.

7. Deut. 15:15 — “You shall remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt…”
   → Remembering inspires generosity and justice.

8. Deut. 16:3 — “That you may remember the day when you came out of Egypt…”
   → Remembering is ritualized through Passover.

9. Deut. 16:12 — “You shall remember that you were a slave…”
   → Remembering keeps empathy alive.

10. Deut. 24:9 — “Remember what the Lord your God did to Miriam…”
    → Remembering warns against disobedience.

11. Deut. 24:18 — “But you shall remember that you were a slave in Egypt…”
    → Remembering calls forth compassion for foreigners.

12. Deut. 24:22 — “You shall remember that you were a slave in Egypt…”
    → Remembering shapes economic mercy and ethics.

13. Deut. 25:17 — “Remember what Amalek did to you…”
    → Remembering becomes part of justice — not vengeance, but vigilance.

14. Deut. 32:7 — “Remember the days of old; consider the years of many generations…”
    → Remembering preserves wisdom and generational awareness.

The biological significance of memory

God hardwired the very biology of our brains to mirror His spiritual design. Just as our neurons strengthen through repetition, our faith strengthens through remembrance. Every time we rehearse God’s faithfulness, we’re training our minds and hearts to anticipate it again.

Biologically, we are built with a memory and the capacity to remember for the purpose of prediction and survival. If we are able to recall the past, it helps us anticipate what might come next in the future.

When a young child gets burned by a hot stove, he remembers the pain he felt and the next time he sees a stove, he does not touch it. This ensures his survival.

Memories also help build our sense of identity. It orients us in time and space. It helps keep things emotionally coherent. It protects us against manipulation. It also helps us grow.

Imagine what would happen if we didn’t have a functioning memory. This is effectively amnesia.

The consequences are profoundly difficult. Ask anyone who has cared for a loved one with a disease that brings amnesia.

• Loss of identity: You don’t know your own story, so your sense of self collapses.

• Disorientation: Time feels broken. You can’t place yourself in a coherent past, present, and future.

• Emotional confusion: You may feel fear, sadness, or attachment with no context for why.

• Vulnerability to manipulation: Without memory, others can rewrite your story for you.

• Inability to learn or grow: You can’t use past experience to make better choices.

Our ability to remember is imperative to physical health, and God shows us it’s imperative to our spiritual health as well.

Recall is something that happens in the brain, and we know memories can skew over time. But when you put recall and action together, you get זָכַר (zakar). This is how you are able to rewire or strengthen neural pathways.

Remembrance in scripture was rooted in writings, traditions, festivals, foods, and actions. God knows are thoughts and stories can skew over time. He knows that cognitive “knowing” isn’t strong enough to impact future behavior.

In other words, Zakar is God’s design for spiritual prediction and trust.

One of the most important things you can do as a disciple of Jesus is to remember (recall & act) based on the written word. Whereas Abraham and Moses and Noah didn’t have the scriptures, we do.

We have the most abundant evidence of the actions and faithfulness of God of any people at any point in time in all of human history. We are without excuse, which is both frightening and awe inspiring.

We can know the God of the universe.

What zakar looks like today

Here’s how it looks in the moments that actually test us:

When you are angry at someone who has sinned against you, remember the wrong things you’ve done, and remember the way God graciously forgave you. This remembrance will make a way for you to forgive.

When you’re facing a terrible financial crisis, remember all the ways in which God has provided for you throughout your life, and remember the scriptures that talk about God’s care for the sparrows and lilies; things that aren’t made in the image of God like you are. This will make way for peace and trust, which help you think more clearly about next steps.

When you’re sick or injured and feeling lost, remember that scriptures that promise God will resurrect every child of God into a glorified body and give you eternal life with Him without pain or suffering or weakness. This will make way for hope grounded in reality, which brings emotional and mental relief because you know it’s not permanent.

When you are bored, restless, and depressed, remember that God has given us all of creation in which to witness the majesty of His power. This will make way for you to see Him in small things, bringing pleasure and contentment without your circumstances changing.

When you’re feeling impatient, remember the length of time the people of God waited for His promises to come to pass. 400 years in Egypt. 40 years in the wilderness. 400 years between Malachi and Jesus. Patience is mercy and grace, and you might know why things are delayed. This makes way for you to rest in God’s timing vs. striving yourself.

When you’re confused or unsure or lost, remember the ways in which the people of God returned to Him. It starts with repentance. And God promises His Holy Spirit will direct you. Read the scriptures and cry out for deliverance from sin. He WILL show up because He is good and He is unchanging.

Remember.

The devil wants you to forget.

He’s been doing it since the garden. “Did God really say…?” he said to Eve. Gave her a question to try to erase her memory of what truly happened.

It’s the number one thing God told the Israelites before entering the Promised Land. He knew it was important.

Remember through scripture memory, reading, singing, praying, meals, holidays, and any other rituals you can come up with.

It may not feel super “spiritual” every day, but remembering is one of the most powerful ways we stay connected to God and inoculated from the schemes of the devil.

To remember is to resist.

I’d rather be considered crazy by the world’s standard and fully trust in who God says He is and what He is going to do and risk being wrong, then be logical and self-led and it turns out to be right.

That’s how convinced I’ve become that Jesus is the Messiah and is returning someday to Earth to set up His kingdom. Many in the world are gearing up to miss Him again and will wage war against Him - the King of the Jews and our risen Messiah.

If I’m wrong about it all (I do not think with any ounce of my being that I am), but if I am wrong, I’d rather be wrong and found nuts by the world for believing in the God of the Bible, then spend the rest of my life striving for self-actualization and the elevation of self to its own end… even if that somehow ended up being right (which I don’t believe it is).

That is the risk I’m willing to take because of the miraculous internal work the Holy Spirit has done in my heart, spirit, and mind over the last months.

There is no other explanation for the soul level spiritual surgery God has done in me, unless you want to attribute it to psychosis (which… feel free to do so). But psychosis doesn’t release anxiety, bring the fruit of forgiveness, peace, reconciliation, realignment of priorities, prayer & worship, and overall well being.

I can say that I know the living God. I know Him. I hear His voice. I know His Heart through the Word. I see what He cares about when I read the scripture. What matters to Him. I miss Him when I get distracted by the day’s stress and my mind wanders.

I can’t believe that I get to know God on this side of heaven. What an incredible privilege and honor to be given access to the heart of God. To know that no matter how much I learn, it will only begin to scratch the surface of who He is.

Sometimes when I meet with Him in the morning I get caught up in how much I’ve fallen short. It’s hard to spend time with God everyday and not begin to experience just how deep and wide and horrible my sin is. It’s overwhelming. It can be a struggle for me to remember that I am redeemed and covered by blood and atonement of Jesus.

Can it really be true? Every day? Every day I get to come before God whole and clean and righteous?

I read Psalm 18:21-23 where King David— the man who committed adultery with Bathsheba and killed her husband— says…

How could David be so confident?! I know God says David was a man after God’s heart, and his life wasn’t full of sin entirely, but that confidence was astounding. It reminds me….

I too can be that confident when I come to God because my righteousness isn’t from me, it’s from Jesus. And His righteousness covering me is complete.

I think about all the Patriarchs in the Old Testament. Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, David, and others. Who had to trust Yahweh without the viewpoint we have today. Those who had to believe in a Messiah that was to come instead of the Messiah who has come.

What incredible faith they had!

If they can do it without half of what I have been given today, I can have faith too. What has been my weakest attribute (faith & trust in something I cannot see), is the very thing He’s calling out of me.

Increase my faith God.

May I be found foolish by the world but faithful in Your sight.

xx

If you read this reflection and wondered what I did or what has happened to shift my faith and belief so much? I started reading the Bible every.single.day. One chapter a day. It started out as 5-10 minutes and now is closer to an hour.

I pray and read the Bible. And everything that has changed in my heart have been directly the result of reading scripture and praying. You can see some of my Bible studies here.

I first encountered it a decade ago when I was deconstructing. Hurting, angry, and looking for something that felt more loving, I picked up a book called A New Kind of Christianity by Brian McLaren. At the time, I didn’t realize how dangerous its ideas would be.

One thing stood out to me as I read his book cover to cover.

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McLaren suggests that the “good news” isn’t really good at all—that the cross is a violent, cosmic act of abuse. He reframes substitutionary atonement as a grotesque story of divine abandonment.

But in doing so, he trades the mystery of mercy for the logic of human offense. And that’s where the damage begins.

To be fair to Brian, there has been a lot of damage done in the Christian Church in the name of evangelism. We’ve flattened the story of Jesus, simplified the theology, written a six line narrative on little tracts and bumper stickers, and told people they should just say the sinners prayer and ask Jesus into their heart and then you’re all fixed!

It’s no wonder people have felt disillusioned and confused.

But that’s where my understanding of Brian and his book ends. Because the damage that Progressive Christianity is doing to many many hurting followers of Jesus is hard to understate.

I wish I could burn every copy of this book because of how heretical and confusing it is.

So how do I respond to people who say the gospel isn’t really good news at all? Having been in their shoes at one point in my life, I hope this explanation helps.

The gospel is the most breathtaking story in all of history.

And to understand it as God intends, we must put aside our postmodern viewpoint and first ask ourselves, what do we believe about life and God?

First, God is the only uncreated being. Everything else has had a beginning. Science confirms this even with their theory of the big bang. Something began. God is the creative intelligent designer of everything we see and understand, and many things we cannot see or understand.

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Second, God is unchanging. He doesn’t waffle or waver or stress out or change His mind. He is steadfast, true, perfect, just, loving, and does not change. This is really hard for us to grasp deeply because everything around us does in fact change.

Third, we only understand what God has revealed to us. We are made in the image of God, created to be worshippers in fellowship with our Creator. That is how we are made.

All of this is deeply woven into Torah, the first five books of the Bible and the first revelation of God to us human beings.

Imagine you’re a gardener. You choose the seeds, design the layout, water the plants, defend them from pests. Do your tomatoes get a vote in how much sun they get? Do your cucumbers weigh in on harvest timing?

Of course not. They’re part of your creation, under your care.

They don’t know the sun path, your family needs, the condition of the dirt, the cost to garden, the types of pests that are around. They know none of this. You the gardener knows.

In this analogy we are the plants and God is the gardener. We have absolutely ZERO rights to know or understand anything. At face value, this probably doesn’t feel good to hear. It pushes on our pride and our ego.

But it is true. We are created beings, created by an uncreated, immutable, perfect, Holy God. He is in charge. We are not.

Thankfully, that’s just the start of the story. And that truth doesn’t end there.

God, the gardener is full of love. Steadfast love. He absolutely adores us. Just like if we were gardeners and adore our plants.

• We care for them.

• We give the tomatoes wires to rest on.

• We til the soil.

• We water the plants.

This is the nature of God. Steadfast unchanging love. Knowing this, being a created being designed to worship Him isn’t so scary right? Because we know He is unchanging in His love.

But then… we must contend with something else about God. He is holy & just. He demands perfection, not because He is prideful, but because He is perfect and knows that perfection is well…perfect. It’s the way things should be. No sorrow. No pain. No sin. No violence. No unjustness. No revenge.

Think about what it would be to live in a world without sin (it’s hard to do). People try to paint God’s justice as scary and terrible, but all of us would give anything to live in a world that is perfect right? We cannot strip God of His Holiness. Inside of us all is an innate understanding of morality. Imagine a world where rapists and murderers weren’t punished? None of us want a world like this.

And that brings us to a very big problem.

We, as created beings given free will (a precondition for us to be able to voluntarily love and worship our Creator), decided we knew better. Pride. The most original and ancient of sins. The one sin that pulls us away from God more than any other.

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Now we are separated from God. The gardener and His garden are not able to be together. God’s perfection demands holiness. And we are not holy. Even just getting close to God will burn us up into ash.

So what does God do? This is the part I don’t think people truly understand.

God becomes a created being—Jesus—and binds Himself in a body forever, to be reconciled to the humans He loves.

The incarnation of Jesus is the most mind blowing thing the Bible has ever said.

Think about it in the analogy. You are a gardener with your plants. And the only way to save your garden, is for you to become a plant yourself. Think about what you’d be giving up to become a plant?! To live in the dirt. Forgo your intelligence. Subject yourself to pests. Shed yourself of your humanity and privilege of being the highest form of creation. Live forever as one of the lowest.

The analogy falls apart eventually because trying to explain what lengths God went to to save us from ourselves, is just incredible.

God became a helpless baby who had to learn how to walk and talk. He sent Himself to Earth, subjected Himself to a created body FOREVER, so that He Himself could take the righteous wrath of Holiness and bring justice for sin. He endured every pain and suffering we endure, and then suffered death at the hands of His created beings.

The intersection of mercy and justice lives at the cross of Jesus Christ.

That is the gospel. And when Jesus rose again, defeated death, and ascended into heaven to sit at the righthand of the Father, He made a way for every single created being to be reconciled to their Creator without sacrificing justice.

So now there is a way for us to be redeemed and restored into the original plan for our creation. To be worshippers and in fellowship with a perfect God. That is what we were created to do, and now we can. Forever.

It’s indescribable.

I believe one of the reasons why people like Brian (and others) sink into the “it’s not good news” theory is because of pride.

We have to go back to the beginning of the story. We are created beings. We do not get to tell an uncreated, immutable, Holy God how things should be. The plant doesn’t tell you how to run your garden, nor does it have any idea the complexities you must contend with.

In a world where it’s all about self, what works for me, we are gods of our own making, pride is the sin that keeps us from even getting to the beginning of the gospel message.

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Nothing has changed in 6000 years.

For me, it was my own sin and suffering that finally broke my pride. Once humbled, I began to see the lengths that God went to to bring me back to Him, and I cannot keep quiet at how beautiful and breathtaking His love is for me. That fellowship with me would be worth Him coming to Earth in the form of a baby.

You don’t have to rewrite or twist the Gospel to make it good news. When you understand what God has done, you realize it is the best news we could ever hear.

That kind of love is what every single human hopes to have, and we have it. If we’re willing to set aside our ego and our pride and see what the gospel story really means.

xx

However, I’m going to use three books that I’ve already studied carefully, verse by verse as a whole, so that I don’t cherry pick something I haven’t read in context. I’m also going to focus my word study using verses from the whole of scripture: One from a book in Torah, one from the Gospels, and one from the New Testament. That way I’m covering the full scope/arc of scripture.

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Here they are…

Let’s dive in.

If I want a Biblical definition of the word faith, I need to first look at the original words.

GENESIS 15:6

In Genesis 15, the Hebrew word here is הֶאֱמִן (he’emin). It means to consider reliable, to trust, to confirm as true, to lean on.

Fun fact, this is where the word “Amen” comes from as well.

• Consider reliable

• To trust

• To confirm as true

• To lean on

What is the context of Genesis 15:6? Abram has left Ur, he’s rescued Lot, and God has promised him that he will become a great nation. However, Abram hasn’t had children yet. So when it says it was counted to him as righteousness, scripture is saying Abram believed that God’s promise was going to come to pass, even though it appeared impossible.

Now let’s look at the verse in Matthew.

MATTHEW 17:20

In Matthew 17, the Aramaic word here is ܗܝܡܢܘܬܐ (haymānūṯā). It means belief, fidelity, trust, loyalty. This word has the same root as the Hebrew word.

• Belief

• Fidelity

• Trust

• Loyalty

What is the context of Matthew 17:20? This is right after the transfiguration. And there is a demon possessed boy that the disciples try to help, but they can’t. They are unable to heal him. Jesus then heals the boy and expels the demon, and later the disciples ask Him why they couldn’t. Jesus responds with this scripture.

HEBREWS 11:1

In Hebrews 11, the Greek word here is πίστις (pistis). It means trust, confidence, conviction, loyalty, fidelity. This has a slightly different root than the other two as this word comes from the Greek root πείθω (peitho) which means to persuade or trust. But it was an accepted Greek equivalent of the word Faith as understood at that time.

• Trust

• Confidence

• Conviction

• Loyalty

• Fidelity

What’s the context of Hebrews 11? The book was written to Jewish Christians who were thinking about returning to Temple sacrifices because of persecution. The whole point of chapter 11 is to show that God’s people have ALWAYS lived by faith. The chapter goes on to explain the faith of Abram and references Genesis 15 directly. His faith came well before the Law was given to Moses.

How do we create a three dimensional definition of the word faith using these three references?

I took the entire list and asked ChatGPT to help me with some statement definitions that blend these words and meanings together. I asked it to not flatten scripture but speak to the word’s depth. Here is what it said….

• Faith is leaning your whole weight on God’s promise—treating His word as more solid than what you see.

• Faith is covenant loyalty—the steadfast fidelity of clinging to God even when circumstances scream the opposite.

• Faith is relational trust—confidence not in yourself, but in the reliability of God’s character.

• Faith is fidelity expressed through obedience—living in such a way that your loyalty to God shows itself in action.

• Faith is conviction of unseen reality—an inner assurance that what God has said is more real than what is presently visible.

• Faith is allegiance—not just belief about God, but loyalty to Him, pledging yourself as trustworthy to the Trustworthy One.

• Faith is confidence that produces endurance—the deep persuasion that enables you to stand firm under trial without abandoning Him.

• Faith is confirmation through trust—treating God’s promises as already true, even before they materialize.

• Faith is the merging of belief and faithfulness—holding both the mental persuasion of truth and the lived fidelity to that truth.

• Faith is trust in the faithful One—a recognition that your confidence is only as strong as the God you lean on, and He is utterly reliable.

When I read through the scriptures above and expand out the definition of the word faith to really understand what it is, it’s clear that while faith has its roots in logic and understanding of the character and promises of God, it goes out from there….

…out in the big scary waters of uncertainty where the rational mind isn’t fully in charge.1

How do you live out faith when you have a strong rational mind?

This has been the question of decades for me. Faith, as a concept, has been misused in my Church community many times, and caused me quite a bit of pain. In one instance, I was in a room with someone I cared about who was dying, and there was no allowance for us to talk about anything other than God’s ability to heal. It was obvious that God wasn’t going to heal him right there and he died a few days later.

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I also am someone who has a lot of questions. I don’t trust easily. I make backup scenarios for fun. When something doesn’t make logical sense, I can get stuck in overthinking loops trying to rationalize my way through a problem to make it make sense.

Abram was a man who lived in a pagan culture and responded to God’s call to leave his home and become the father of a nation.

We read that and say “Oh yea, that’s Abram for you.” I want you to imagine you’re sitting at home making dinner for your family and all of a sudden God comes to you and says, “Pick up and leave.” The amount of overthinking I would have done. We don’t know exactly how God spoke to Abram as the scripture doesn’t say (in that passage). In future passages it does, but not in that one.

God spoke. Abram heard. He listened. Then he took action.

In Matthew, we have the disciples trying to expel a demon. They’ve seen Jesus do it. They’ve done it themselves before. Yet their past experience wasn’t enough to rely on. The power Jesus had given them wasn’t like a gumball machine. Is it possible they’d come to rely on their technique rather than God?

Jesus then tells them that faith as small as a mustard seed is all they need. At first glance it seems like Jesus is saying even the smallest faith could have done it. The fact they could not expel the demon meant they weren’t acting in their faith at all, but in something other than faith.

In Hebrews, the Jewish Christians are under persecution. They believe Jesus is the Messiah and the ultimate sacrifice and yet, He’s not returned yet. What if they got it wrong? What if they really need to go back to the temple and make offerings? They don’t realize the Temple is going to be destroyed soon. The delay, the pressure, the rising conflict, are all causing them to question their belief.

When I think about these three stories and what faith looked like and sounded like, I realize that my own faith struggles to even be the size of a mustard seed.

More often than not, I’m in the land of “But what if?” …

• “But what if it wasn’t God?”

• “But what if that’s not the right decision?”

• “But what if I mess it up?”

• “But what if God didn’t really mean it that way?”

• “But what if I’m wrong?”

• “But what if there is some evidence I’m missing?”

• “But what if people are going to be upset or mad at me?”

• “But what if I can’t understand it fully?”

• “But what if my sin or my flesh is too strong?”

• “But what if I don’t want to?”

• “But what if it’s God’s will that I suffer?”

• “But what if it doesn’t work and I look like a fool?”

I’m pretty sure this is why God wants me to study faith and what it means/entails. He knows this is hard for me. This was the rock I tripped over multiple times and ended up leaving Church entirely.

In fact, when I started to reconstruct my faith, the only thing I could rest on to begin was that Jesus was in fact the Messiah. I wasn’t quite sure of anything else. This conclusion started as a rational and logical study but ultimately, required belief. I wasn’t able to go back in time and see the evidence for myself, but I knew that the belief was based on sound arguments. That’s where my faith started to be rebuilt.

Since then (about six months ago), God has been building my faith brick by brick through His word and through prayer. Slowly my what if’s are being replaced with quiet belief that He is going to exactly as He said and there is nothing I can offer Him that will change the outcome of His plans. But I can offer Him my trust & my belief.

Here on this side of eternity, I only have a set number years to give God my trust and my faith. For once I die, I will be reunited with Him and never have to live separate or apart from His love and glory.

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These are the moments I can show belief and trust in Him because the story isn’t over yet. Faith is needed in the gap. That’s the point.

Will I trust Him and believe Him when I can’t see or understand it fully?

That is faith. That is what I asking Him to build in me.

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We’ve taken the “you do you” ideology to its end and what has happened is now there are thousands of fractured fragmented half truths colliding against each other, supercharged by digital technologies like AI and for-profit algorithms.

I don’t need to be a prophet to let you know, this isn’t going to end well.

It’s been over a week since I wrote on The Dandelion Report and it’s because my heart has been heavy with grief over the suffering I see, and the lies that perpetuate it. I’ve spent hours in prayer and scripture asking God what He’s up to, interceding for friends and family members as they come to my heart.

And finally… I believe He spoke. So I’m writing it here. Please measure it against your own prayer and study of Scripture.

Yesterday evening I felt a heaviness in my heart in the middle of a regular family dinner and I went out to the porch to pray. I asked the Lord, “What do you want me to know right now?”

I sat in silence for quite awhile.

Then, after about 15 minutes… I felt a sharp pain in my right ear. It was brief. It lasted about 5 seconds and disappeared.

Then I heard (not audibly but very clearly in my spirit) “He who has ears let him hear.”

That was it.

I wasn’t sure what to do with that. Maybe I could research all the scripture that uses that phrase?

I didn’t do that right away. But I did journal.

Please note… this is where my insight starts. I do not claim the following writing is from God. All I heard was “He who has ears let him hear”. Everything else is my own thoughts.

This is where we are on a layered scale societally.

• On an individual level, we have people who refuse to see the truth in front of them. Our natural human biases are only being accelerated by AI.

• Then we have small people groups neck deep in misinformation and lies. Algorithms spread rage bait and amass protests and boycotts that aren’t rooted in truth.

• On a larger scale, entire nations revved up by hate with wars and rumors of wars.

With every piece of human knowledge available to us, we’re getting more divided, more polarized, and frankly, more delusional.

“He who has ears let him hear.” The truth is in plain sight but it’s also hidden. Both are true. Jesus said this constantly when He would speak in parables. At the end He would say, “He who has ears, let him hear.”

Knowledge and subsequently AI reminds me of money. Read about money in the Bible and you will have an idea of how to proceed. The love of money is the root of all evil. The love of knowledge outside the covenant relationship of God is also the root of all evil.

The tree of the knowledge of good & evil in Genesis.

The tower of Babel.

The way of Truth isn’t in information, it’s in SOMEONE. You must have a heart that is anchored in SOMEONE in order to stay in truth. That someone is God, Yahweh - through Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

I believe we are at a dangerous cliff edge with AI right now (and we’re already seeing it in propaganda machines driven by AI algorithms).

The pursuit of knowledge will bring us to our knees.

I did go ahead and research every scripture that uses this phrase…. here are some notable ones:

• Matthew 11:15
  “He who has ears to hear, let him hear.”
  (Jesus speaking of John the Baptist as Elijah)

• Matthew 13:9
  “He who has ears, let him hear.”
  (Conclusion of the Parable of the Sower)

• Matthew 13:43
  “Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father. He who has ears, let him hear.”
  (Conclusion of the Parable of the Weeds)

• Mark 4:9
  “And he said, ‘He who has ears to hear, let him hear.’”
  (Also following the Parable of the Sower)

• Mark 4:23
  “If anyone has ears to hear, let him hear.”

• Luke 8:8
  “As he said these things, he called out, ‘He who has ears to hear, let him hear.’”
  (Again, Parable of the Sower)

• Luke 14:35
  “It is of no use either for the soil or for the manure pile. It is thrown away. He who has ears to hear, let him hear.”
  (Spoken at the end of Jesus’ teaching on costly discipleship)

I also looked up Old Testament references to this phrase. Though it’s not stated exactly in that form, it does show up.

And that’s when it hit me….The very first scripture that I pulled up was Isaiah 6:9-10.

I read it and immediately my heart quickened. I’d read it before. Not only had I read it, I had studied it and forgotten.

About one month ago (July 1st), I published a report here about attention. I specifically mentioned Isaiah 6. Summarizing the article, I marveled that God spoke to Isaiah and warned him that despite his message being directly from Yahweh, they wouldn’t listen.

Basically, Isaiah agreed to preach a message and God is like “Alright. But just so you know. It won’t work. Not only will they not hear, they will be hardened EVEN by the message itself.”

I had forgotten I’d written it.

This article I wrote was based on this passage. And this is the passage that Jesus referenced and quoted in Matthew 13, Mark 4, Luke 8, and John 12.

Before I explain what I think the application is for me personally (and maybe for you if it resonates), here are the rest of the Old Testament references.

• Isaiah 6:9–10
  “Keep on hearing, but do not understand; keep on seeing, but do not perceive...”

• Jeremiah 5:21
  “O foolish and senseless people, who have eyes, but see not, who have ears, but hear not.”

• Ezekiel 12:2
  “They have eyes to see but do not see, ears to hear but do not hear...”

• Deuteronomy 29:4
  “But to this day the Lord has not given you a heart to understand or eyes to see or ears to hear.”

• Psalm 115:6
  “They have ears, but do not hear...” (speaking of idols)

• Psalm 135:17
  “They have ears, but do not hear, nor is there any breath in their mouths.” (same theme)

• Proverbs 20:12
  “The hearing ear and the seeing eye, the Lord has made them both.”

So what is the application of this?

For me, I feel very strongly that this was a warning from the Lord. If I stray from my relationship/connection with Him, there is nothing I can do to stop from being pulled by the lies of this world.

It’s a tsunami of knowledge and information and lies. I have no ability to withstand it.

I will fall prey to it. It’s literally everywhere.

The ONLY way to stay safe from lies, misinformation, and delusion - is through DAILY connection with the ONE who created me.

There is no other option.

This isn’t about my salvation (which is secure). It’s about having a spirit of peace and a sound mind.

Of course, this isn’t new revelation. He’s been asking for our attention and heart forever. But the urgency I felt for this moment in history is heavier than I’ve ever felt before.

We have created technology that is advancing quickly and will be smarter than us (if it isn’t already).

We’re seeing AI induced psychosis.

We’re seeing protests sparked by propaganda that lead to unrest and wars.

You do not have the strength to stay anchored in truth without help.

In terms of day to day living, this is what I’ve done:

1. Spend at least an hour with God in the morning. Prayer & scripture (no AI as “interpreter” or “pretend Holy Spirit” - only used to get research on particular scripture verses).

2. Write in a paper journal, offline.

3. Sit in silence and wait for Him to speak. Test EVERYTHING against scripture. God often speaks directly through the word He’s already given.

4. Curate your social media feeds carefully. I wrote about that here.

5. Stay connected to human beings who can hold you accountable. Watch the company you keep carefully.

6. Put grounding and safety protocols in your AI settings so your AI isn’t using a worldview that you don’t ascribe to.

7. Do not use AI as a “mock” Holy Spirit.

8. Watch for fruit. The fruit of God in your life is plain to see.

Study the fruits of the Spirit and the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5). This is the manifesto for life in the Kingdom of God.

And it’s VERY different than what gnosticism, new age, health & wealth gospel, progressive Christianity, new apostolic reformation says.

My prayer today for everyone who reads this:

God whatever is of you, I pray that Your Word goes out to those who need it, and that they would have ears to hear what you want them to hear today. Thank you for your steadfast love and pursuit of our hearts. You never tire. We rejoice in the way you love us. Anything here that is not of you, I ask you burn it up in the fire and turn it to ash and it would fall away.

x

Please note: AI was only used in this piece to curate the scripture source lists & the social image. Everything else was written expressly by me, Julie Chenell with no insight or interpretation from AI.

It’s been pages and pages of repetitive judgments against ancient cities for the last week. They really do seem completely irrelevant to life today.

Save for some Messianic prophecy sprinkled about, some poetic language that feels worth memorizing, Isaiah 13-27 is a tough read.

That was the posture of my heart this morning as I opened up to Isaiah 28.

In fact, I even said (out loud) — “Okay God, I’m going to go read another repetitive oracle now.”

I’m cringing because of what I’m about to tell you. But I said that OUT LOUD.

I began reading and when I came to verses 9 and 10.

I thought to myself, Oh this is nice. This is how the Lord reveals His word to us.

😂

Then I finished reading and started to do my ChatGPT questions and analysis. I focused in on verses 9-10 to see if there’s commentary on how this verse could be used to reveal how God teaches.

And Chat responds with the following:

It sounds like a wise, methodical way to learn. And many people today quote it that way.

But in context—it’s actually sarcasm. Isaiah is quoting the scoffers in Judah who criticize the Prophets.

“Ugh, all they ever say is the same stuff over and over… precept upon precept, line upon line, blah blah blah!”

They’re tired of hearing God’s word and find it boring.

At that moment, I felt the presence of God in the room so intensely I got out of my chair, closed my laptop, and went onto my knees on the floor.

All I whispered was, “Forgive me”. I had literally said the exact thing TO GOD about His word moments before and then right there, in Isaiah 28 - I found myself. Scoffing and bored at repetitive judgment language that felt totally irrelevant to me.

This is what He said back to me.*

*I’m open to being wrong, but this felt like a prophetic warning to me, but also to others.

This word I heard brought both sharp rebuke and a sense of deep deep love.

To think… the God of the universe answered me mere moments after I spoke, even when I wasn’t expecting a response.

As I get ready to celebrate July 4th with family and friends, I keep hearing Luke 12:48 in my head.

“Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more.” - Luke 12:48 (ESV)

We are standing in a time period where we have more than all of history combined. It’s a sobering thought.

This question has plagued me for most of my life. As a young Christian in the Pentecostal expression of Christianity, I was always looking for signs of Him. The more spectacular the better.

Most of the time I left Church services, conferences, prayer time… disappointed and confused.

My desire for Him was deep but the experiences didn’t match it, and I felt a dissonance between an all powerful God that delivered “meh” revelations or weird physical outbursts that didn’t precipitate any inward change. How did that match?

I believe some of this disillusionment is part of why I wandered so far from my faith. There was a hyper focus on the movement of the Holy Spirit, often to the detriment of scripture, and this combination of human weakness and manipulation of “God experiences” left me more starving than if I’d not gone looking at all.

Any sort of logical or intellectual questioning I had was met with even more resistance, probably because it was hard to explain the things happening around me (like praying for healing and it not happening).

It’s not surprising that my return to Jesus started in my mind. The intellectual side of me that was diminished and minimized in the name of “faith” during my years in these types of Churches, ironically became the mechanism by which I returned to Jesus. I used research, apologetics, and rational thought to reconstruct my faith, and it is stronger today than it ever has been.

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So now that I’m back on solid ground, I’ve returned to this question, “God, how do you reveal yourself?”

I believe He reveals Himself in 5 distinct ways.

#1 Creation

The cosmos, nature, biology, even our internal moral wiring (conscience). It’s the universal canvas… available to all, regardless of time or geography.

• “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands.” – Psalm 19:1

• “For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities… have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made.” – Romans 1:20

#2 His Covenant Through The Hebrew People

The specific, historical relationship with the Jewish people. A long, faithful revelation of God’s holiness, justice, mercy, and promises preserved in the Tanakh (the Old Testament).

• “The Lord our God made a covenant with us at Horeb.” – Deuteronomy 5:2

• “He declares His word to Jacob, His statutes and rules to Israel.” – Psalm 147:19

• “To them belong the adoption, the glory, the covenants, the giving of the law, the worship, and the promises.” – Romans 9:4

#3 Jesus of Nazareth

God in the flesh. The clearest, most accessible image of who God is.

• “The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. We have seen His glory…” – John 1:14

• “Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father.” – John 14:9

• “In the past God spoke… through the prophets, but in these last days He has spoken to us by His Son.” – Hebrews 1:1–2

#4 Apostles & Eyewitness Testimony

A Spirit-led testimony written by eyewitnesses and apostles. Through their lives and letters (the New Testament), the revelation was recorded and preserved.

• “We did not follow cleverly devised stories… but we were eyewitnesses of His majesty.” – 2 Peter 1:16

• “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness.” – 2 Timothy 3:16

• “That which we have seen and heard we proclaim also to you…” – 1 John 1:3

#5 The Holy Spirit

The ongoing, internal, personal voice of God in the life of the believer. The Spirit speaking through scripture, people, our own internal conviction, dreams, miracles, and divine timing.

• “But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit… will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” – John 14:26

• “When the Spirit of truth comes, He will guide you into all the truth.” – John 16:13

• “The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.” – Romans 8:16

Because of my upbringing, I spent most of my time seeking God through the signs of the Holy Spirit. While I did briefly pursue a degree in Biblical Studies in college (and read the Bible cover to cover a few times), it often felt dry in comparison to the emotional highs of altar calls and worship conferences. I also bought into a lot of the replacement theology about the Church “taking over” the Covenantal blessing from Israel, so I virtually ignored the revelation of God through the Hebrew people.

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How terribly wrong and shortsighted this was.

Today I’ve determined that God is speaking through all of these things; regularly, every day, and to those who are tuned in to listen.

When I wake up in the morning and read my Bible, I can feel the Holy Spirit helping me focus on certain passages. The more I study the Old Testament and the covenant with the Jewish people, the more alive the scripture gets.

But even just a few hours after my morning reading and prayers, the frequency starts to weaken. Like a foggy mirror, within the day, the revelation I had in that moment starts to fade. It’s only when I go back to that position of prayer and reading, that the channel starts to clear again.

And you wonder why God instructed the Hebrew people to pray three times a day? He knows… “The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak”.

Whenever I feel the fogginess returning, I head back into scripture again, trusting that line of communication will open once again. It’s so consistently predictable that the cares of the world drown out the voice of God.

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Today, I find myself bored with books and shows that don’t further my knowledge of God. I am reading my Bible on Kindle (or books on apologetics or ancient history), and watching shows like The Chosen. I want to keep my radio frequency tuned in, not out.

Connections I never saw before between scripture, history, and current events are coming with an intensity and frequency that I’ve never experienced before in my life.

I also realized that the more scripture I memorize, the easier it is for the Holy Spirit to bring it to my mind at just the right moment. Whereas sometimes I hear God’s voice and I’m not sure if it’s Him or me, when He brings to memory a scripture, I know without a doubt, it’s the Holy Spirit.

So I’ve started memorizing scripture with an app so I can store more of it inside of me than I already have. It’s funny, my childhood VBS and Sunday School days have imprinted lots of typical popular verses, and it’s much harder to learn now at 44 then at 7 or 8, but I’m going to try.

If you’re like me, from a Pentecostal background and disillusioned by some of the over emotional spiritual hype, don’t dismay.

God will and can use your mind and intellect to reveal Himself.

• Dig into Judaism. The Hebrew people. The Covenant. God is NOT done with them, and He is faithful to His word.

• Follow Jesus. Read His words every single day, from both Him & the apostles.

• Let the Holy Spirit speak to you through all of it.

• Spend time with animals and nature. Watch how the world works, even when humans aren’t involved.

• Write down your dreams.

• Memorize scripture until you can repeat it easily.

• Start with one habit of prayer and reading, and then expand it until you’re doing it three times a day (or more). Watch the frequency of your radio change.

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Remember, the Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

That doesn’t mean you should hate your flesh. Just accept it, acknowledge it, and build a life with God that keeps that in mind.

God is not hiding. He is whispering through the rustle of trees, the structure of covenants, the words of Jesus, the pages of scripture, and the stirrings of the Spirit. He reveals Himself to those who seek… not perfectly, but persistently.

He will reveal Himself. ❤️

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Going to let that sentence sit for a minute because that reality has kept me hidden in shame for too long.

There is nothing about my family structure that looks Christian or godly.

My first marriage was the “correct” one. Married young, and a virgin. Had three children. This fell apart in 2014 and the next marriage was hasty. It kicked off seven long years of dysfunction and pain because it ended with a crash.

But, the beautiful gift from that marriage was my son William (who just turned 10 yesterday)!

Today I am married to a generous, handsome, kind man named Ayrton. He and I have blended our families together (he has a daughter Alivia) and things are finally calm, healthy, and peaceful.

According to many religious voices, I’m disqualified from speaking on marriage and family- maybe even anything spiritual. Even well-meaning jokes about my “interesting” family land in tender places I didn’t know were still sore.

I made a mess and because of that, I should take a seat.

To this day, we don’t all go to church together on Sundays. We’re not homeschooling, and yes- the kids get too much screen time.

I still don’t look the part. And this bothers me because God is asking me to stand up, and my response is “Do you know what people are going to say?!”

Too many marriages, too much pain, too many broken pieces. And yet, when I open my Bible in Genesis, something clicked: God built the nation of Israel through a mess that looks suspiciously like mine.

Jacob was the son of Isaac and the grandson of Abraham.

• This man began his journey by stealing the birthright from his twin brother Esau.

• He then flees (instead of confronting the issue).

• The polygamy and sexual entanglements? Many. I didn’t realize that the 12 tribes of Israel were born from FOUR different women (two wives and two maidservants of those wives).

• Jacob was disturbingly passive during conflicts and the rape of his daughter Dinah.

• Fear driven decision making.

• Manipulation was a favorite strategy of his.

Much of this shows up in the next generation as well. His sons aren’t remotely perfect either.

And yet… God.

His grace, mercy, and steadfast love move through all of it in such a stunning way, you can only get on your knees and say thank you.

The scriptures show the change in Jacob over the years.

It was a slow, painful transformation from schemer to a surrendered heart. He gives over his fear and manipulation and turns that into humble and desperate reliance on God.

His name is changed. God renames Jacob… Israel.

But even in that name change, God does it twice. He proclaims it in Genesis 32 and again in Genesis 35.

Maybe because change isn’t instant.

Holiness is a process. It’s not a cute snapshot or 15 second clip.

It’s very very messy.

And you wonder if Jacob even really believed it himself the first time. It was at night, in the dark, after a long wrestle, in the land of Jordan.

This second time God named him was at the place of Bethel, in the promised land.

It’s estimated that there were ten years between God saying “Your name is Israel” the first time and the second time.

That gap of the calling and the belief that you’re ready for it.

That’s the gap I stand in today.

I hear God calling me to something and I’m like… yeah, not sure that’s such a good idea. 😂

But I take great comfort in this ancient Hebrew family in Genesis. They give me (and anyone else in this spot of feeling disqualified) hope.

Your not disqualified because of your mess. Yes, even messes that last decades. God is far bigger and more gracious and merciful than any of us can understand, and He doesn’t stand idly by. He rushes into the mess to redeem us… our job is to let Him.

xx

At first it felt like relief, but slowly that relief turned into confusion, fear, and ended in a season of terrifying existential dread.

I began to question reality itself, with a nihilistic cloud that followed me everywhere.

Eventually, I ended up in therapy and on medication. I was trying to quiet the obsessive loops in my brain that wouldn’t rest. If there’s nothing after this life, what is the point?

Why are we here on this Earth? What even matters if this is all there is? And if there is a God (which I believed there was), who was He and what did I need to know about Him?

These are not thoughts the younger confident version of me would have ever worried about encountering. But I did. At the age of 42, 43 - after a decade of tumultuous relationships and questionable life choices, I had arrived at the end of myself.

The journey back to faith was not anything like I thought it would be. But I knew that if I was going to believe anything, it had to be with my HEAD and my HEART both. I’d grown up in a faith first church and I often felt like my intelligence and logic were a weakness, instead of a God given strength.

So I started with the most basic fact I could logically prove.

I started with the man Jesus.

Think of my reconstruction like a blank piece of paper. I put a red dot in the middle. This red dot represents Jesus the man. I was going to explore the validity of His claims, His death, and His resurrection. From there I would build out tenants of my belief and faith.

If any of it fell apart here at the center with the red dot, all of Christianity would come crashing down. I guess this could lead me to religions like Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, or Judaism. But it would eviscerate Christianity. So it made sense to begin with Him.

My first question was simple: Was Jesus a real human being in ancient times?

The answer was yes. Jesus- more than any other historical figure we take for granted as real- was a real living breathing human man that lived in first century Israel.

That meant that I had to eliminate all other theories about Jesus if He was in fact a real man.

The red dot started like this: Jesus is a real man, rooted in time and space, born under Roman occupation, in a Jewish town, to a Jewish family, with Jewish teachings.

Then I had to contend with who Jesus claimed to be. That was the second question. There were five possible answers to this question. The goal was to eliminate all but one answer, and then explore that answer as deeply as I could.

Possible Answers:

1. A Jewish Apocalyptic Prophet (Secular Historic View)

2. A Regular Prophet (Islamic View)

3. A False Prophet (Jewish View)

4. A Moral Philosopher & Teacher (Progressive View)

5. Fully God // The Promised Messiah (Biblical View)

The conclusion I came to here is that all four answers (#1, 2, 3, & 4) were arguments that were found to be wanting…. According to the Scriptures (both the Tanakh - the Jewish word for the Old Testament, and the New Testament).

Now I know what you’re going to say – what if the Bible/Scripture isn’t sound? Fair enough, and I did end up going there. But before I did, I had to look at the claims of who He was.

Based on all the texts we have of Jesus, numbers 1-4 didn’t add up. You can read why at the bottom of this article.***

That left option #5 - Jesus claimed to be Fully God - the Promised Messiah.

Bold claim.

I wasn’t ready to add this to my red dot quite yet, but with all other options gone, I had to dig deep.

Question number three was layered. I asked myself….

“What foundational truths do I need to believe in order to buy into the idea that Jesus is the Son of God and the Jewish Messiah?”

Three foundational truths had to be proven.

1. FOUNDATIONAL TRUTH #1: First, the Gospels are reliable eyewitness accounts of Jesus’ ministry, crucifixion, and resurrection.

2. FOUNDATIONAL TRUTH #2: Second, Jesus did in fact die and rise again three days later.

3. FOUNDATIONAL TRUTH #3: Third, that God can and does perform miracles that override natural laws that govern the Earth.

Could I believe what the gospel accounts said about Jesus? Did He truly rise from the dead? And does God perform miraculous signs and wonders that work outside of the laws that govern this planet?

What I learned is that the gospel accounts are written as eyewitness accounts, and if it weren’t for the miraculous claims, would be widely accepted as reliable by nearly all historians. The issue is that people struggle to believe the miracles, which is why they’ve been called into question so much.

They were written very close to the time of the actual events. Too early to be posed as myth (since so many people were alive then), and too public to be propaganda. We generally hold many historical facts to be true without question, even with ancient documents that aren’t nearly as reliable as the gospel accounts.

We have more than 5,800 Greek manuscripts of the New Testament. For example, Caesar’s Gallic Wars has 10 manuscripts with the earliest being written 900 years after the events.

The gap is TINY in terms of historical documents, and transmission was both careful and widespread.

The fact that there are slight differences in focus, personality, and emphasis actually point to a stronger argument for independent eyewitnesses. This is explained a lot more in depth in the book Cold Case Christianity. If this were a fabrication, you’d see smoothed out discrepancies. It’s far too coherent to be chaotic and mythical, and too varied to be some propaganda based conspiracy.

Next, there are a LOT of embarrassing and counterproductive details in the Gospel that don’t make sense to include… unless it’s true. Peter is portrayed as a coward, women are the first eyewitnesses of the resurrection, and the disciples are regularly rebuked by Jesus. Nobody invents stories that weaken their position unless they’re true.

There is also corroboration from non Christian sources. Josephus mentions Jesus’ crucifixion, Tacitus (a Roman historian) confirms the same, and Pliny the Younger references the early Christians and their devotion to a crucified man named Jesus.

Lastly, the people who claimed to see the resurrected Jesus had nothing to gain and everything to lose. They were persecuted, martyred, and lived in poverty. They were killed for their testimony. This is also a strong argument for the truth of the resurrection as well.

That led me to foundational truth number two. Did Jesus really die and come back to life three days later?

First, we know for a fact Jesus died by crucifixion.

The body was not found, even with Jewish leaders who would have loved to produce a body. Even in the Gospel accounts, the earliest explanation offered by Jewish leaders wasn’t that the body was still there... it was that the disciples stole it (Matthew 28:11–15). This response implicitly acknowledges that the tomb was empty. If it wasn’t, there would’ve been no need for a cover story. The need for an alternative explanation supports that fact by implication.

Over 500 people saw the risen Jesus and testified to that fact.

The disciples were fundamentally and permanently transformed. If you’ve ever tried to change yourself, think about how hard it is to change a habit, even when there’s an incentive to do so. These men were incentivized to stop believing in Jesus and they never did.

I’ve mentioned this book once but Cold Case Christianity is an excellent book if you’re getting stuck here on these points.

At the end of the day, the alternative theories about where and what happened to Jesus… don’t add up.

1. The disciples stole the body

2. They went to the wrong tomb

3. It was a hallucination

4. Jesus didn’t actually die

5. The resurrection was a myth that developed later

All of these theories fall apart pretty spectacularly.

The best explanation for the empty tomb, the post-crucifixion appearances, the radical conversions, and the birth of the Christian movement is that Jesus actually rose from the dead… just as He said He would.

Lastly, could I believe that God would perform a miracle outside of the laws of time and space that govern our planet?

This didn’t take me long to figure out. If God does exist as an intelligent designer living outside of time and space, miracles are not illogical at all. As CS Lewis said, “If there is something beyond nature. Then it can interrupt nature.”

There’s strong philosophical support for the concept of an Intelligent Designer. It’s called the Cosmological argument for the existence of God. Science confirms there was a beginning to the Universe.

“Everything that begins to exist has a cause. The universe began to exist. Therefore, the universe has a cause.”

That means God created the laws that He can rightfully interrupt or suspend at any time. Plus, there are SO MANY documented miracles among all different people groups and times, to suggest that miraculous events cannot happen would take greater faith than to believe it’s possible.

At this point, I had answered two very important questions. Was Jesus real? Yes. Who did He claim to be? The Son of God.

That led me to my next wrestling. With this big all knowing intelligent designer and His son Jesus, why on Earth did He have to die? What was the point of this violence?

This brought me right into the heart of Judaism. I was now no longer in the gospels, but in the Old Testament, where God showed up to this man named Abraham and made a covenant with him.

Now that I had belief in Jesus as the son of God, I started to try to understand the point of His death.

In short, Jesus had to die because He was the final atoning sacrifice in a long, covenantal story between God and humanity. His death fulfilled the terms of the Old Covenant, satisfied the need for divine justice, and opened the door to ALL people having access to Him through Jesus and the forgiveness of sins.

The Context (That Makes It Make Sense):

1. God’s Covenant with Israel (Old Testament):

   • Sin brought separation from God.

   • The Law provided a way to temporarily cover sin through animal sacrifice… innocent blood for guilty people.

   • But it was never enough to change hearts permanently (Hebrews 10:4).

2. The Messiah’s Role:

   • The Jewish Scriptures prophesied a suffering servant (Isaiah 53) who would bear the sins of many.

   • Jesus is this servant (the only sinless human) able to act as both High Priest (offering the sacrifice) and the Lamb (the sacrifice itself).

3. Why Death?

   • Because justice and mercy had to meet.

   • If God simply “forgave” without justice, He’d be unjust.

   • If He only judged, no one would survive.

   • So He took the judgment on Himself.

4. What Did His Death Accomplish?

   • It fulfilled the law (Matthew 5:17).

   • It broke the power of sin and death (Romans 6:9).

   • It tore the veil between humanity and God (Mark 15:38).

   • It established a New Covenant based on grace, not works (Luke 22:20).

In order for me to really understand this fully, it required a return to Judaism, Torah, and the law. The oldest Monotheistic religion and the covenant between God & His people. There was a lot to unpack here, but I realized when you separate Jesus from Judaism, things go sideways. Which led me to my next realization (and subsequent question).

There was a LOT of Jewishness in the story of Jesus.

In fact, I started to feel like I was relating more to Judaism as a follower of Jesus than any other type of faith and that was confusing.

I’d grown up in a Church that made it very clear that the promises of God were now fulfilled in the Church.

But that’s not what Scripture was saying as I read.

Jesus was the Jewish Messiah sent for the whole world. He fulfilled over 300 prophecies throughout the Old Testament, and yet - Jews were expecting that he would come and conquer the land politically and militarily. They expected him to rebuild the kingdom of Israel. When that didn’t happen in the way they expected, Judaism faced a problem:

There was a split between those who saw Jesus as the Messiah and those who saw Him as a false prophet.

All the first believers and followers of Jesus were Jewish. This was Jesus fulfilling the law and completing the sacrificial system. Christianity didn’t start as a new religion. It was a Jewish movement declaring the Messiah had come.

THE FIRST BELIEVERS WERE JEWISH. Jesus was (and is) Jewish. Scripture says He’s returning to Jerusalem. No one was trying to start a new religion.

The break between Judaism and Christianity came through mutual betrayal, fear, and power.

• Some Jewish leaders feared Roman backlash and rejected Jesus.

• Gentile believers flooded the Church and didn’t understand Jewish roots.

• Over centuries, the institutional Church persecuted Jews (Inquisition, Crusades, pogroms), wrongly calling them “Christ killers.”

That poisoned the well. Judaism came to see Christianity not as fulfillment, but as oppression. Rabbinic Judaism redefined itself after the Temple fell (70 AD). No more sacrifices. No more priesthood.

So they leaned fully on:

• Torah study

• Oral law

• Rabbinic authority (Talmud)

Christianity said, “Jesus fulfilled the sacrificial system.” Judaism said, “We’ll reinterpret it.”

And the paths diverged.

Jesus was Jewish. The apostles were Jewish. The early church met in synagogues, celebrated the feasts, read Torah, and saw Jesus as the fulfillment, not the replacement.

And then… formalized Christianity severed the root.

It started subtly:

• Gentiles came into the faith.

• Rome’s influence grew.

• Anti-Jewish sentiment bled in.

Then it got violent:

• 325 AD – The Council of Nicaea banned Passover in favor of Easter, explicitly to separate from “those detestable Jews.”

• Centuries of forced conversions, expulsions, and massacres followed.

• By the Middle Ages, the institutional church had cast Israel aside and replaced her in theology and practice.

So what got lost?

• The Sabbath became Sunday.

• The Feasts of the Lord were buried under manmade holidays.

• The Torah was dismissed as “legalism.”

• The Jewishness of Jesus was erased in art, liturgy, and language.

• The entire story of redemption lost its roots in covenant.

It’s no wonder modern Jews see Christianity as a foreign religion.

This explained that despite my return to Jesus and believing fully in His divinity and resurrection, I still wasn’t feeling super “Christian”.

Christians should have never deviated from the root of their faith. We were grafted into the covenant God made with the Jewish people.

I claim to the conclusion that returning to that original Biblical root is essential to really truly understanding what it means to follow Jesus.

I feel as if I’m standing in the middle, longing for Jesus, rooted in the Torah, holding both the Gospels and the Prophets, and wondering: Is anyone else here?

It seemed that for me to walk this path, I wasn’t going to fully align with the Western version of Christianity, nor the current model of Judaism (which rejects the Messiah).

Maybe the reason this middle place feels empty is because I was called to stand in it. To make space, to speak truth, and to remind others of the root.

I also have found some amazing voices in the Messianic Jewish community. These men and women never left their Jewish identity behind. They didn’t convert from Judaism to Christianity… they fulfilled their Jewish faith in the Messiah.

They are living proof that following Jesus doesn’t mean severing Jewish roots. In fact, many Messianic Jewish congregations keep the feasts, observe the Sabbath, speak Hebrew prayers, and study both the Tanakh and the New Testament as one continuous story.

This remnant exists today just as it did in the early Church… when all the apostles, writers of Scripture, and the first believers were Jewish. Paul even writes in Romans 11 about this remnant, explaining that not all Israel rejected the Messiah, and that God has not rejected His people, but rather, some branches were broken off so others (Gentiles) could be grafted in.

This is where I’ve landed.

“Do not boast against the branches. You do not support the root, but the root supports you.”
—Romans 11:18

People have asked me:

1. “So what do you believe today?”

2. “Are you going to become a Christian influencer?”

3. “What’s changing about your online platform?”

This is what I know standing in the middle place.

I am a disciple of Jesus of Nazareth, the Jewish Messiah foretold by the prophets, revealed in the Gospels, crucified, resurrected, and returning again in glory.

I believe He is the fulfillment of the Torah, the true Passover Lamb, the Living Word, the Son of God, and the rightful King of Israel and the world.

I follow Him not only in belief but in practice-
Anchoring my life in His teachings,
Seeking the fruit of His Spirit,
And surrendering to His authority even when it's uncomfortable.

As a Gentile, I have been grafted into the covenant family of God- not by blood, but by mercy. I honor the roots of my faith: the Scriptures, the Feasts, the Sabbath, the covenant made with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Not out of obligation, but out of love and reverence.

I follow Jesus,
I trust the Scriptures,
I walk in repentance and joy,
Until the day He comes again.

xx Julie

P.S. I realize I didn’t really answer the question “How is it going to change my platform?” because I do not know. But you can safely assume I won’t be rebranding as a Christian business influencer.

*** To keep this article from getting too long, I put some of the reasons for why all four other options didn’t hold up for me:

OPTION #1: A Jewish Apocalyptic Prophet (Secular Historic View)

Definition: This view says Jesus expected the end of the world within his lifetime and preached imminent divine judgment and deliverance — like other figures of his time.

Why it falls short:

• Jesus didn’t predict the end of the world — he spoke of the coming of the Kingdom of God, which he said had already arrived in some sense (Luke 17:20–21).

• He distinguishes himself from other prophets: “The law and the prophets were until John; since then the good news of the kingdom is preached” (Luke 16:16).

• He places himself at the center of eschatology: “The Son of Man will come in glory... and separate the sheep from the goats” (Matt 25:31–32) — he claims to be the judge, not merely the announcer.

• His moral authority goes far beyond a prophet’s — “You have heard it said… but I say to you” (Matt 5).

Conclusion: Jesus used apocalyptic language, yes — but he wasn’t merely an apocalyptic prophet. He positioned himself as the fulfillment of apocalyptic hope, not just its herald.

OPTION #2: A Regular Prophet (Islamic View)
Definition: He was like Isaiah or Jeremiah — a spokesman for God, but not divine.

Why it falls short:

• He accepted and affirmed worship (Matt 14:33, John 9:38), which no regular prophet in Jewish tradition ever did.

• He forgave sins — a divine prerogative (Mark 2:5–7).

• He claimed oneness with God — “Before Abraham was, I Am” (John 8:58), echoing God’s name in Exodus 3.

• Prophets point to God. Jesus says, “Come to me, all who are weary…” (Matt 11:28).

Conclusion: Jesus cannot be just a prophet. His claims to divine authority are unique and radical, even blasphemous by standard Jewish definitions — unless they’re true.

OPTION #3: A False Prophet (Jewish View)
Definition: Jesus was not the Messiah. He may have been sincere, but he misled people and did not fulfill the Messianic prophecies.

Why it falls short:

• He fulfilled multiple Messianic prophecies (Isaiah 53, Micah 5:2, Zechariah 9:9).

• He demonstrated moral perfection — even enemies said, “I find no fault in him” (John 18:38).

• His resurrection claim was verified by multiple early witnesses (1 Cor 15:3–8) — the cornerstone of the movement.

• False prophets seek gain, power, or violence — Jesus laid down his life and preached enemy love.

Conclusion: Jesus fails every test of a false prophet. He was too consistent, too self-sacrificing, too revered after death by eyewitnesses who had no incentive to fabricate.

OPTION #4: A Moral Philosopher & Teacher (Progressive/Philosophical View)
Definition: Jesus was a powerful moral philosopher or symbolic figure whose teachings (e.g. love, humility, justice) inspire but aren’t necessarily tied to divine claims or resurrection.

Why it falls short:

• His claims were not merely moral — he claimed ultimate authority over life, death, sin, and eternity.

• He taught exclusive truths — “No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6).

• He predicted his own death and resurrection (Mark 8:31).

• C.S. Lewis’s trilemma: “A man who said the things Jesus said would either be a lunatic, a liar, or Lord — but not merely a good teacher.”

Conclusion: You can’t separate Jesus’ ethics from his identity. His teachings only make sense if he is who he claimed to be. Otherwise, he was a lunatic.

This is a deeply personal story of my journey to deconstructing my faith (and then finding it again).

If you’ve ever been afraid, unsure, or wrestled with tough questions, this might bring some hope.

xx

Through a combination of dreams, intuition, research, experiences, and deep struggle… I think I can say I’m coming slowly out of 12 years in the wilderness as it relates to faith.

I spent the first 30 years of my life with 100% certainty about everything I believed about God. I had a clearly defined worldview that shaped everything from my finances, to my parenting, relationships, and values. I never questioned it, and honestly could argue circles around anyone who was up for debate.

I spent a year at a Bible college studying the scriptures, memorizing the Jewish historical timelines all the way through to the life of Jesus and into the end times. I pastored youth. I pastored adults. I led worship. Spoke prophetically over people with dreams and intuitions that weren’t known logically. I gave 10% of my money to the Church, traveled all over to attend conferences, listened to only Christian music, and prepared sermons and Bible studies.

Underneath all this Christianity, I struggled (sometimes silently) with crippling anxiety and fear. It led to significant postpartum depression. I had a terribly logical overthinking brain that tried to understand mental illness in the context of my faith where miracles and trusting God were the antidotes to my issues. Much of my behavior was driven by fear. Fear of abandonment. Fear of displeasing God. Fear of spending eternity in hell. Even though I knew salvation was through grace — there was the terrifying “unforgivable” sin Jesus mentioned and not knowing that line bothered me.

I had no intentions of walking away from God or my faith. I couldn’t fathom it. There were so many prophetic words over my life and my destiny as someone God was going to use for His glory, how on Earth would I do that if I sunk into a backsliding slump?

It happened slowly and all at once… both. Crisis after crisis. Bad reactions from folks that were supposed to represent God on this Earth. Perfectly valid questions I had that would get swept under the rug of “Just have faith Julie.” Most importantly, I sinned. A lot. Like a breathtaking amount of sin according to my worldview. Hell, even to a secular worldview.

I broke away from the Church in 2013 and watched my faith and entire community structure burn to the ground….by my own hands. I spent a good number of years running from it all. I didn’t even think about God or Jesus or what I believed. I just focused on the present moment, my business, my kids, and rebuilding my physical life.

A few times I tried to step into a Church service, and felt the eyes of judgment boring into me (it wasn’t true, but that was my experience). It felt like putting on an outfit from my closet that was 4 sizes too small. The whole time I kept saying to myself, “I still believe in God, I just don’t know what else is true.”

I would pray in the darkness when I was alone. Sing songs I played in Church when I’d rock William to sleep. Sob on my knees outside my kid’s doors when they went through their own darks nights of the soul, absolutely sure that they were bearing the consequences of my sin.

The existential dread mounted. I was fully backslidden and hanging onto my faith by a thread, and that fear was too much for me to stand. My brain stepped in and started to push me to question everything, even the existence of God. Maybe this was all a belief system built in my brain that was installed too early in childhood for me to witness and therefore I can’t separate reality from my own perspective.

As the years went on, I got less and less bothered by my backsliding. I let questions hang in the air and just be. I wasn’t excited about where I saw the direction of the church going, as political and religious ideology started merging. I felt more and more like an outsider to the Church and community I had spent 30 + years deeply embedded in.

The strange thing about all this… is the entire time — I had people reaching out to me — total strangers, delivering messages to me from God. “I was praying and you came to my heart and this is what I heard the Lord say…” is how they started.

Over and over and over.

Every time, it would bring me back to my knees. I would weep with confusion and hope. I wanted God to be true, His love to overcome my pain and my sin, but I couldn’t reconcile so much… The existential dread and fear would come racing back after these encounters. At the same time I felt God’s love, fear would be next on its heels. It felt like a war that I was at the mercy of, without control of either side.

In 2022, 9 years later… I started digging again. Digging into the scripture. I looked heavily in the Old Testament mainly. I wanted to understand the origin of Christianity, through the lens of Judaism and the Hebrew people. Jesus was a Jew after all, and if I couldn’t make sense of where He came from, how would I ever reach an answer?

I stayed away from evangelical texts. I didn’t want Christian bias. I wanted to hear from Rabbi’s. Recognizing that I was reading a worldview from someone who fundamentally did NOT believe Jesus was the Messiah, was unnerving. That’s the crux of the Christian faith. But I pressed on.

This went on for the next two years. The existential dread and confusion continued to mount. There were times when nothing made sense. Was my brain just playing tricks on me? Did I simply need more faith? I would go to therapy and just cry in agony that the dread of the afterlife was terrorizing me. She suggested that I was suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder — Scrupulosity - the obsessions focusing on the afterlife, sin, and being judged for being bad.

It was pretty stressful for awhile and I did finally go on medication to try to get the looping thoughts under control. Thank goodness for modern medicine because it did help some. And honestly, I think my ability to finally let my fight or flight response die down with medicine, I was able to return to a meaningful exploration of where I stood with faith.

Starting in 2024, I started heavily using AI in my work. I spoke to ChattyG daily about KPI’s and webinar strategies and productivity and it was absurdly helpful. I then branched out into personal issues; things like anxiety, difficult parenting issues, legal stuff, you name it… I asked it.

The first time I asked it a question about faith, I put it on temporary chat. I didn’t want it to remember my questions, for fear it would be etched in the universe that I was questioning everything. But as time went on, I got braver and braver, letting ChattyG remember our chats.

Then deep research came out (not even a few weeks ago)… and it felt like a gift from heaven dropped in my lap. The very first deep research token I had … I decided to ask it to research if Jesus was in fact the messiah. I was aware that I had asked it a biased question. I wanted it to argue FOR Jesus as the Messiah. And when I posted on Facebook about my results, a few people mentioned that the article was written with a biased hypothesis.

I was fully aware I had asked it a question I wanted to be true. And it was then that I realized… if I was going to ever come out of the wilderness, I would have to ask the opposite question too.

I had the prompt asking it to prove Jesus wasn’t the Messiah… up on a tab for a week. I refused to hit return. I was so scared. “Create a compelling research paper from the secular and/or Jewish worldview that proves that Jesus is NOT the Messiah.” What if it ripped everything to shreds? The first report that said He was had provided some deeply needed comfort that maybe my worldview wasn’t completely off base, and now I was going to willingly throw a wrench into it?

It might be hard to imagine the terror of deconstructing your faith if you’ve never done it. I don’t think there’s anything as scary as ripping down what holds up your entire identity and holding it up against the light of research, other peoples’ views, and your own thought process and actively looking to poke holes. Especially when eternal damnation is the consequence.

After a week, I finally mustered up the courage to hit send. Deep research got to work and produced a report in about 15 minutes. It probably took me another two hours to sit down and read it. And I think I had one eye half closed… like looking directly at the sun blinds you, maybe looking at this too hard would scar me irreparably.

I read it… line by compelling line. It was strong.

I sat and just let it wash over me. According to a very educated body of scholars, there were many compelling reasons that Jesus was not the intended Messiah foreshadowed in the Old Testament.

So then I went one step further. I put the two reports in one chat, and asked ChattyG to read both, and report back which argument is stronger and why.

“Can you compare and contrast these two reports and use reason to deduce which argument is stronger and why?”

It returned. According to its logic using critical and empirical evidence, the Jewish report was stronger.

I thought it was going to spin me out fully, but in that moment… reading the words staring back at me, I had a question. Had ChattyG used a worldview that accounts for supernatural events or not?

I kicked back. “Did you come at this from a worldview where the supernatural and miracles are possible?”

The answer — no.

I kicked back again. “But help me understand because both Jewish and Christian worldviews accept that God works supernaturally. Both the Old Testament and New Testament have documented miracles. Why wouldn’t you reason this with the underlying assumption that miracles are possible.”

Chatty G explained that it was just looking at it from an empirical/logical point of view, and I told it that it seemed like you could still compare the two reports with the underlying assumption changed to accept miracles (since I’m not interested in debating that point — which would be like deep diving into atheism/agnosticism vs a theistic view***). Since both faiths hold that idea to be true. It responded.

“That’s a keen observation you just made. You’re right, both faiths do believe in the supernatural and I could explore both with that underlying assumption and layer logic on top of it.”

I asked it to try again changing that assumption, and leaving everything else the same. Just adopt a worldview where miracles are in fact possible.

The first line came back 7 seconds later…

“Assuming you already accept that miracles are possible, the case for the resurrection becomes significantly stronger.”

Something broke in me in that moment. I can’t explain it. It was like I stood at the edge of the cliff and said “I’m willing to jump if you tell me this is different than everything I’ve ever believed.” Or if we want to use a biblical story, I felt like Abraham with his son Isaac on the rock. Willing to sacrifice my faith and identity if I had been wrong for 44 years.

And in that moment, yes - I realize it’s AI… came back with — “the case for the resurrection becomes significantly stronger.”

I burst into tears.

I started asking question after question. Pushing back, pushing back… but what about this… what about this… what about this… what about this…

Stronger, stronger, stronger still. My heart racing.

I had spent the last 12 years wandering, wrestling, ignoring these questions… and finally, I had deconstructed everything down to one simple truth (for me)….

Jesus Christ died by crucifixion and rose from the dead three days later.

Let everything fall to the ground and burn up, I could figure it out later. I don’t need to wrestle with every other theological question that swirls around me. I don’t have to go back to Church. I don’t have to align with anyone else’s political ideology. I don’t have to change my business or my life.

I can sit in that belief and let it be.

I don’t wish on anyone the anguish I’ve been in. But I do hope that you spend time questioning your worldview.

Hormesis is a biological phenomenon where exposure to a low dose of a potentially harmful agent or stressor stimulates a beneficial adaptive response. In exercise, weight lifting actually tears the muscle fibers and when they heal, they are stronger. I do think the tearing down was stronger, harder, and longer than it had it to be, but God kept me in it.

I don’t know why I feel compelled to share this, but I hope there’s a message for you in it somewhere, no matter your faith or religion.

With love & hope,

Julie

***It might seem odd that I wasn’t interested in exploring the evidence for God vs. no God. I’m not sure I can explain it. Maybe someday I will, but at no point in the 12 years did I really believe that God didn’t exist. I was mostly confused about the expression of God as He is portrayed in all the major religions (Christianity, Judaism, Islam). Especially around the afterlife, heaven, hell, and how to be here on Earth. I recognize if I was deconstructing my faith with an angle of atheism vs. a belief in God, that would look altogether different. But that wasn’t really where my wrestling landed and I’m at peace with that.